Due To Inflation, People Will Now Have To Add Their Four Cents
Finance ยท Mar 15, 2022

U.S. - As a result of burgeoning inflation rates, anyone attempting to give an opinion must now add their four cents to a conversation in lieu of the traditional two. Economists expect a dramatic decrease in the number of opinions shared as a result.

Reactions among Americans have been mostly negative, though many have refused to share their four cents on the topic.

Benjamin Mankilope, a father of two, says the price increase won't affect him very much. "I don't have much of an opinion anyway. My wife shoots down everything I say, so I may as well stop having opinions - especially in this economy." As soon as he finished speaking, a non-descript IRS agent appeared and demanded four cents from Mr. Mankilope.

"Wait, that's just a statement of fact, not an opinion," he meekly argued. But the price went up again and he had to cough up the fee.

A poll conducted by Fox News has revealed women are most hurt by the additional charge on opinions. "Thanks, Biden!" said Angelica Dallas as she handed four cents over to the IRS agent who'd been following her around all day. "Women are already too scared to share their opinions, and now they will be too poor to."

The IRS agent then detained her after she was unable to pay the $450 she owned for her non-stop stream of opinions.

"Let me put in my four cents here," said Johnathan Walber, a witness to Angelica Dallas' arrest. "This is ridiculous."

The White House has signaled opinion inflation is only transitory and will probably drop back down to two cents as soon as Biden is no longer around to induce so many opinions.


Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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