SAN FRANCISCO, CA — DoorDash announced the launch of a new premium service DoorDash+, where they will at least make a small effort to get your order correct.
"It's a big shift for our business model," said CEO Thomas Mallett. "For a mere $10 per order, our drivers will briefly glance at the receipt to check if it's right. We also promise to not eat your french fries, unless we are really, really hungry."
While some consumers are excited for the new option, many long-time customers will reportedly stick with the old DoorDash. "It's like mystery dinner theater, delivered right to your doorstep," said local man Adrian Moreno. "You hear the doorbell ring, and it's like - whose order is this? Is any of it right? How much was eaten on the drive? I really came to appreciate the element of surprise."
The announcement of DoorDash+ came in response to a persistent, vocal subsection of customers who preferred to receive what they actually purchased. "The other day I ordered high-end sushi and wound up with a roast beef sandwich from Arby's," said local woman Leslie Allen. "The weirdest part is, there's no Arby's within 100 miles of my house. How did they even get it here? It's sort of impressive."
DoorDash has confirmed that the new service will still come with $43 of unexplained fees on every order.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
