GARDEN OF EDEN — Fresh off being banished from paradise, Adam and Eve are blaming cancel culture for their sudden expulsion.
"Cancel culture, am I right?" said Adam as he chewed an apple. "I break one little rule, and BAM! Now everyone's coming at me, saying I've brought sin into the world and separated humanity from God. Plus, now God says I have to get a job! It's out of control."
Although many have called their actions "open rebellion against Almighty God", Eve says unhealthy societal factors are to blame. "I chose to believe Satan over God, and it's like suddenly I'm persona non grata," said Eve. "All these women are now blaming me for how much childbirth hurts, and I think it's just a sign of this rampant cancel culture gone crazy."
At publishing time, the Daily Wire had UNCANCELED Adam and Eve with a massive podcasting deal. You can now get 25% off your Daily Wire subscription with the code "ORIGINALSIN".
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
