ATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking statement that seemed to do away with all previous data, a group of researchers from the Dog CDC announced that eating your own poo was completely safe.
According to the new data, coprophagia, the common act of dogs ingesting their own feces, was found to be 100% safe and potentially beneficial by dog scientists. As part of its research, the team cited 12 labradors that "thrived" after regularly consuming their own waste.
"The data is clear," said Dr. Rover Barkley, the head of the Dog CDC. "The fact of the matter is, our scat is packed full of nutrients, not to mention recycled kibble and grass. Think of it as nature's multivitamin. So, next time you witness your dog chowing down on his own poo, resist the urge to scold him. It will boost his immunity and give his coat a healthy shine."
Pet owners, for their part, remained skeptical. "I thought it was gross, but now I'm wondering if my Fido's onto something," said local dog mom Kara Lombeck. Meanwhile, veterinarians are howling in protest, arguing that the practice spreads parasites and bad breath. The Dog CDC dismissed these concerns, accusing critics of "anti-poo propaganda."
"Just trust the science," Dr. Barkley continued. "There's a reason why we've been eating our poop for longer than humans have been writing down history."
At publishing time, the Dog CDC was reported to be planning to roll out a "Poo's Fine, Let Us Dine!" campaign to normalize the behavior.
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