RALEIGH, NC — Dr. Will Higgs calmly reassured a nervous young Jessica Thompson today that the procedure he'd be performing on her would make him gobs of cash.
Thompson had expressed concerns about the possible long-term effects of the surgery she'd be undergoing, but Higgs gave his word that the procedure would put thousands of dollars in his bank account.
"Listen, I know you're scared, but this procedure will make me so much cash," explained Dr. Higgs. "Like, I'll be on my way to buying a boat. Sure, there are risks to the surgery, but I promise you this: there will be thousands more dollars in my bank account."
Thompson stated she felt confident that Dr. Higgs would take excellent care of the money that he made off her surgery. "I was really anxious going in, but Dr. Higgs assured me that he would make 'loads of dough' from cutting on me," said Thompson. "He even took the time to sit down with me and show me what kind of boat he'd be able to afford because he sliced me open. I really appreciated that."
At publishing time, Higgs had comforted Thompson by guaranteeing he would not start the surgery until the check had cleared.
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