EDEN — Forgetting the famous saying about leaves of three, Adam came to the horrible realization that something was terribly wrong with his first leafy covering.
"Good gracious, this thing itches," said Adam, before the old adage about poison ivy suddenly popped into his head. "Ohhhh man. I've made a huge mistake."
Adam had put together his leafy covering in a great rush, having only just realized his state of nakedness the moment before. "I wasn't thinking straight - ooohhh gosh it burns!" said Adam, desperately searching for new leaves. "I just - ow - was in such a hurry - oof - that I forgot to count the leaves. Oh shoot, here comes God!"
After losing their game of hide-and-seek with Almighty God, the Lord questioned Adam. "Who told you that you were naked?" asked God. "And is that little covering you made starting to itch? No? You sure you don't need to scratch, Adam?"
According to theologians, the poison ivy episode may explain why mankind, in his fallen state, has such a propensity for scratching himself.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
