MILWAUKEE, WI — Presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis is in hot water today after cameras clearly caught the candidate copying his Indian classmate's homework.
"My eyes just happened to drift over there!" said a defiant DeSantis. "I wasn't cheating, I promise!"
Despite DeSantis' protest, Brett Baier confirmed that DeSantis came up with the exact same answer as his Indian classmate. "There's no use denying it," said Mr. Baier. "Look, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. You're such a smart guy, Ron! Don't go down this road!"
Caught red-handed, Mr. DeSantis finally confessed to copying the Indian kid's homework. "He just seems so smart, and cocky, and...I just lost my confidence for a moment," said a tearful DeSantis. "I really don't believe 9/11 was an inside job, that was just me copying him! I'm so sorry!"
At publishing time, the Indian kid had also gotten into hot water after being caught on camera acting like an insufferable jerk for two straight hours.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
