Politics U.S.
Dems Solemnly Don Tinfoil Hats Before Questioning Barr On Mueller Report

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democratic senators on the Senate Judiciary Committee grilled Attorney General William Barr on the Mueller Report at a special hearing Wednesday.

Before they began the proceedings, the senators solemnly donned their tinfoil hats, a staple of Democrats' official uniforms since 2016.

"Is President Trump now, or has he ever been, AN AGENT OF RUSSIA!?" Senator Mazie Hirono screamed, dramatically pointing in Barr's direction. "Has he ever denied eating borscht!? What about playing Tetris? Doing that funny Russian dance thing? HAS HE!?!"

"And it's immediately obvious that when Trump watches Rocky IV, it's NOT Sylvester Stallone he's rooting for!"

When Barr said he didn't have enough information to respond to her questions, Senator Hirono immediately declared he should resign.

"You should resign immediately if you don't subscribe to my debunked conspiracy theory!" she screamed before an aide was forced to tranquilize her again.

At one point, she waved around a document she claimed had a list of all the evidence that Trump had conspired with the Russians during the 2016 election. This was later revealed to be a blank piece of paper.

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