HELL - Demons of Hell have released a statement to NPR where they have unanimously agreed upon the importance of gender-affirming care for children.
"When it comes to gender-affirming care for minors - no demon worth their salt opposes it," said Beelzebub. "There is no argument among demons, devils, fiends, banshees, succubuses, foul spirits, or democrats about the value and the necessity of gender-affirming care. The consensus is clear!"
According to sources, Beelzebub continued to explain that kids deserve to and must have unfettered access to puberty-blockers and hormone therapy.
"If they are not mutilated or chemically castrated at a young age, then this may cause… harm," Beelzebub said with a sinister grin causing legions of demons to laugh together in unison. "In fact, 10/10 demons agree, gender-affirming care is life-saving care for children." Beelzebub then lost his composure and fell to the ground - laughing uproariously.
At publishing time, the demons of hell echoed in agreement once again declaring that abortion access should be unlimited, everywhere, all the time, and at any age - even after birth.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
