PORTLAND, OR - Local progressive Juniper Clouts has once again become outraged this week, this time causing her to go searching for her old signs that express her anger about the current thing. Luckily, she found her old "My Body, My Choice" sign she had tucked away at the beginning of the pandemic.
"Ah good as new," said Juniper, dusting off the old sign. "I missed not being able to hold you up after those backward, idiotic anti-vaxxers started trying to use you too."
"Bodily autonomy only applies to us women trying to abort another body - I mean a clump of cells. It clearly doesn't apply to the government telling you to inject a foreign, experimental substance into your own body," continued Juniper. "Why is that so hard for people to understand?"
According to sources, Juniper Clouts was then spotted at a local pro-abortion protest shouting things like "MY BABY'S BODY, MY CHOICE", and "Keep the government off my body, unless they want to vaxx me again, then it's ok."
At publishing time, Juniper realized she was actually protesting at an anti-mandate rally. She immediately fell to her knees and tore her beloved sign in half while shouting "NOOOOOOO!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
