WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democrats have unveiled an official proposal to replace Memorial Day, which they are calling "a problematic holiday honoring white supremacist soldiers who died for the racist country of America," with a more inclusive day: Misgenderorial Day, a holiday set aside to honor everyone who has been misgendered.
"This important day will allow us to honor the true heroes: those brave non-binary individuals who have been called 'he' instead of 'xe'," said Nancy Pelosi at an official event commemorating the first-ever celebration of the holiday. "We no longer have to suffer seeing American flags, barbecues, and people posting sentiments honoring soldiers who died fighting for an evil place like America."
"Finally, the true heroes are getting their day of recognition."
A presidential medal of heroism will be awarded to one brave misgendered person each year. The first one was given to Justin Trudeau, who has often mistakenly been referred to as "he".
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
