WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a historic compromise, Democrats in Congress have conceded to allow limited constitutional protections for unborn babies as three-fifths of a person.
"We are pleased to offer this compromise to our Republican colleagues that will certainly not look really bad when people look back on us 200 years from now," said Senate Democrat Leader Chuck Schumer. "We are willing to consider a fetus to be three-fifths of a person, which is a major concession."
Under the proposed Constitutional amendment, unborn babies will be protected for three-fifths of their gestation, will be allowed to keep three-fifths of their limbs, and will be counted as three-fifths of a person for the purposes of representation in Congress.
"We are so grateful for this historically unprecedented compromise which will put us all on the right side of history and will cause all the future history books to write nice things about us!" said pro-life Republicans in Congress.
According to sources, the proposed legislation protecting three-fifths of the unborn will of course include an exception for members of Congress since most of them are only one-fifth of a person.