Politics U.S.
Democrats Briefly Consider Investigating Ways To Beat Trump In An Election

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a closed meeting Tuesday, the Democratic caucus briefly considered investigating ways to beat Trump in an election, sources familiar with the meeting said.

“Someone suggested defeating him in an electoral process might be the quickest, simplest way to get him out of office at this point, but the idea was not popular,” one meeting attendee said on condition of anonymity for fear of being too closely associated with such a radical idea.

“Hard pass,” said one high-ranking attendee, before assuring fellow party members re-investigating everything Special Counsel Bob Mueller just investigated is the key to ending Trump’s presidency.

“Maybe if we just worked harder to earn votes in Michigan and Pennsylvania,” a caucus member from the Midwest meekly suggested, before being thrown out of the meeting.

“Earning votes is a distraction! Don’t you see what Trump is doing? He’s always distracting us!” newly minted Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reportedly shouted, according to people inside the meeting. "Voting is for people in the cheap seats."

Some in leadership echoed the fiery, progressive leader’s concerns.

“She has a point. We don’t want the party to be caught flat-footed in some place like Wisconsin when the game is being played here. Eye on the ball, people.”

At publishing time, Democratic leaders had settled for hitching their wagons to the debunked collusion claims for the remainder of the Trump presidency, which is projected to last about six more years.

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