CUPERTINO, CA—VeggieTales co-star and up-and-coming app mogul Larry the Cucumber announced Monday he is releasing a new app to help you locate your missing hairbrush.
The app, dubbed HAIRBRUSHfinder, lets you geolocate any missing hairbrush, whether you just misplaced it or your friend callously gave it away assuming you didn't need it because you don't have any hair. Larry was invited onstage to demonstrate the app at today's Apple event in Cupertino.
"Lemme lay out a scenario for you," Larry said to the crowd, hanging on every word. "You get out of the shower, you're in a towel. You're all ready to brush your hair, but then---uh-oh! Your hairbrush is totally gone! What are you going to do? Sing a lament about how you can't find your hairbrush? Tried it before. Sounds good, doesn't work." The cucumber app mogul then said his solution is simple: an app that automatically scans your room for hairbrush-shaped objects and then geotags them so you can find them later.
The crowd gasped and cheered as Larry exited the scene, as though Tim Cook himself had announced the next iPhone would cost a million dollars and be made out of cardboard.
Several privacy groups quickly raised concerns about an app that you use to locate a hairbrush while you're just getting out of the shower, but Larry brushed these criticisms away. "Yes, our app is scanning your room, but privacy is our utmost concern. Besides, the worst that can happen is that our data miners will be shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of you in a towel."
The app will be available for iPhone and Android this summer.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.