Democrats Announce Plan To Win Back Hispanics By Playing Despacito Even Louder
Politics

U.S.—After Trump made historic inroads with the Hispanic community during the 2020 election, Democrats are scrambling to find out what exactly went wrong. During a closed-door strategy meeting in a secret volcano lair where they meet regularly, Democrats tossed around ideas for how to win back the crucial demographic. 

"We called Trump a racist, pushed transgender politics, and removed the gender-specific 'o' from their name to call them 'Latinx,'" said top Democrat strategist Toopie Shwarmello. "What more do those Hispanics want? We literally checked off all the boxes!"

"Do you think we played 'Despacito' loud enough?" said another strategist, Roy Panderton. 

"THAT'S IT!" said Shwarmello. "We need to go out and play 'Despacito' even louder! Alexa, play Despacito louder than you ever have before!"

Democrats emerged from the secret volcano conference room and announced their new plan to a waiting crowd of pollsters.

For the next four years, Democrats will hire ambassadors to go into Hispanic communities all across the country and play "Despacito." Political statistician Nate Silver estimates that every 320,000 plays of "Despacito" in strategic areas will be enough for one additional percentage point of support for Democrats. 

"It's going to take a lot of work," said Roy Panderton, "But we'll do whatever it takes to get those very special Latinx POCs to vote for us again!"

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