PHOENIX, AZ — Radical young voter Lance Bean was awarded thirty votes after expertly entering the "Konami Code" into his electronic voting machine Tuesday. All votes reportedly went to Arizona gubernatorial candidate Katie Hobbs.
"It gave me thirty votes just like that! It was amazing!" Bean said of his voting experience. "Now I'm the ultimate voter!"
According to sources, the Konami Code is a well-known video game "cheat" that is used in a number of titles to give gamers an edge in their gameplay. Now it's being utilized to "power up" democracy, says County Supervisor Kagemasa Kōzuki.
"It's not cheating because anyone can use the code — if they're cool enough," said Kōzuki.
Republican leadership has argued that being allowed to vote more than once in an election just because you have the foresight to push a bunch of random buttons is a clear sign that the election is rigged. "You're not going to be satisfied with your voting experience if you cheat the system like this," said gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake. "It's way more radical if you win the election with the single vote you're given."
The code was first publicized in a "Tips 'n Tricks" section of The Atlantic. "Conservatives don't read that magazine," said a fiery Lake. "This isn't fair!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
