LOS ANGELES, CA — Singer-songwriter Demi Lovato declared herself nonbinary and adopted the use of "they/them" pronouns last year, and has made waves again this week by adopting the "she/her" pronouns that she originally had. According to sources, she made this decision when her car's tire went flat on the I-5 freeway.
"I heard the rumbling and thumping at 85 miles-per-hour, and the oddest sensation came over me — I became a woman again!" said the now female singer. "Then I used my feminine wiles to get some help from a manly passing motorist."
During an interview with Stephen Colbert recounting the incident, Lovato discussed her journey with gender identity more broadly. "I've considered changing my pronouns to get out of speeding tickets, settle on a restaurant, and avoid paying for dinner, but this was the first time I really felt helpless — I knew I needed a man to help me change my tire when another semi-truck driver blazed by me without a second look! So scary!"
Some journalists have expressed frustration that Lovato left the door open for future gender changes without warning. Yahoo News contributor Julie Ghoftus tried to explain, but was tripped up: "We don't want to be bigots and misgender them, I mean her, but it seems like she, I mean they…I'm so sorry, what is them today?"
At publishing time, Lovato had again changed her pronouns to "Legion," explaining "we are many."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
