U.S. — In the days after disturbing footage surfaced of the Dalai Lama engaging in grossly inappropriate conduct with a child, the Buddhist leader has been inundated with requests from public libraries across the U.S., Canada, and Europe to read to kids in special "Dalai Lama Story Hours."
"As soon as we saw the clip, we knew we needed to have this guy reading stories to vulnerable kids at one of our library locations," said Jason Kucsma, the Director of the Toledo Public Library. "Our passion is to get as many innocent kids in a room with creepy grown single men in dresses as possible. You know, for diversity. What other point is there in having a library?"
Representatives for the widely venerated monk confirmed he is sorting through all the requests and hopes to answer all of them as soon as possible. "The Dalai Lama is honored by your requests to spend some quality alone time with thousands of children in your country," read a statement released on social media. "Thank you!"
At publishing time, Pope Francis had reported feeling disappointed he didn't get any invites.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.