NASHVILLE, TN — Formerly in production for Daily Wire's Bentkey video service, an upcoming remake of The Little Mermaid starring Candance Owens has quietly been canceled. No official reason was given for the project's abrupt cancelation but rumors persist it may have something to do with Owens' propensity for chanting, "From the breakroom to the street, Daily Wire shall be free."
"I can't comment on Bentkey's The Little Mermaid," said Ben Shapiro. "But I will say that Candace Owens is a total disgrace. She can't even sing. She said she could sing, but she can't. It's ridiculous. And she sucks at swimming."
He continued, "Look, I listen to 'Under the Sea' every night as I go to sleep on a big pile of money, okay? I live and breathe The Little Mermaid. I know what the movie needs, but she just can't take direction so she lashes out. Then, when I defend myself, she starts yelling about genocide."
"But seriously, I can't comment."
Owens rejected a request for comment, instead opting to post vague messages on X (formerly Twitter) about how "the entire conservative film industry is run by Jews."
Bentkey's The Little Mermaid will reportedly be replaced by Bentkey's Mulan starring Michael Knowles as Mulan.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
