LYNCHBURG, VA—Liberty University has announced its next set of Convocation speakers for the coming semester, and among several prominent athletes and political figures is the ancient, brooding cosmic entity known as Cthulhu, sources confirmed Tuesday.
The horror from beyond time and space will address the student body, giving his remarks on living moral lives and voting Republican, according to Liberty reps.
“We’ve got a really special treat for all Liberty students: the Sleeper of R’lyeh from the unknown reaches of the stars,” Jerry Falwell Jr said in an announcement video. “It’s important to us that our students get a well-rounded experience while attending our university, and that includes hearing from varying perspectives, like various conservative politicians as well as the Great Dreamer from the blackest depths of the sea.”
“Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!” he added, his eyes glazing over in a trancelike stare.
According to Falwell, an expedition was sent to the murky waters of the South Pacific to extend an invitation to Cthulhu, who was taking a nap in his house at R’lyeh at the time, waking up to warmly accept the invitation to speak at the school.
Liberty University personnel claim rumors that Cthulhu will devour all of humanity after the event are unfounded.
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