BOISE, ID - Citing its adherents' slavish submission to the teachings of the group, the Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry updated its list of dangerous cults and other non-Christian groups Friday to include popular fitness regimen CrossFit.
"All the elements are there to make CrossFit one of the top cults to watch out for in your neighborhood," CARM founder Matt Slick wrote on the ministry's website. "Devotees' incessant talking about CrossFit, their refusal to consider other points of view, their constant chanting of senseless mantras - it's like Scientology reborn."
Slick further stated he'll be performing a full investigative report, having infiltrated one of the cult leader's secret daily meetings in a sparse warehouse hidden in Boise's industrial district.
"We have compiled multiple reports on this growing group over the past several years, and it's clear that many are being recruited by CrossFitters' aggressive evangelism," Slick added.
"Be ever alert - the enemy prowls about like a roaring lion. Sometimes he's wearing a CrossFit workout shirt."