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Couple Seeks New Church Where They Can Experience Deeper, More Reliable Connection To WiFi

VANCOUVER, WA—Local couple Brandon and Heidi Sause recently expressed frustration that in their search for a church home, they haven’t been able to find a church with a deep, long-lasting, authentic connection to WiFi. The couple had recently left their previous church home when they felt less and less connected to the WiFi. Now trying out a new church every Sunday, the couple has taken specific note of churches who provide them with something more than “stale teaching and flashy worship band performances.” They are on a journey to bring their connection with WiFi to the next level.

“I don’t like to sit around and bash the church, but it’s very disconnected,” said Brandon after a recent visit to another local Vancouver church. “I can’t even stream Game of Thrones on my phone.” Heidi made a similar remark, stating that, “churches are destined to grow stagnant, irrelevant, and lifeless without a profound and robust connection to good WiFi.”

“We recently went to a church that had DSL. We were shocked they even called themselves a Christian establishment. I can’t attend a church if it doesn’t nourish my iPhone. I need a worship experience that brings me straight to the most up-to-date sports scores without any perceivable lag,” Brandon said. “I need to worship not in part, but in full bars.”

Many have criticized churches for remaining stuck in their old ways, refusing to see a lack of WiFi connection as a sign that they are not allowing for growth. When one local church pastor was asked about his WiFi connection he replied, “my wife and I are very well connected,” only further displaying the lack of basic understanding many pastors have of what is really important to young people seeking a church home.

The Sause family says they will continue their search next Sunday. “Despite the lack of connectivity in many churches, we mustn’t let that affect our commitment to find a solid, powerful link to the Internet. We serve a connected God, not a savior of shallow and unreliable connectivity to WiFi.”