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Pitcher Hits Tim Tebow With Fastball, Turns To Pillar Of Salt

BINGHAMTON, NY—According to witnesses attending a minor league baseball game Thursday night between the Trenton Thunder and the Binghamton Rumble Ponies, Trenton pitcher Ryan Bollinger struck outfielder Tim Tebow in the back with a fastball, and immediately turned into a pillar of salt.

Bollinger, pitching to former NFL quarterback and Ponies outfielder Tebow in the bottom of the 4th inning, drilled Tebow between the shoulder blades with a 94 mph fastball. As Tebow winced in pain, the New York Yankees prospect pitcher remained frozen in place and instantly transformed into a statue made from a white crystalline substance, sources confirmed.

Witnesses also claim two mysterious figures appeared in the dugout just before the inning and warned Bollinger against throwing any brushback pitches, telling him “chin music is an abomination unto the Lord.”

As Tebow trotted to first base, a voice from heaven was heard saying “Touch not the Lord’s anointed,” according to witnesses.

Bollinger has been moved to the 7-day DL list and also placed near the team’s cafeteria.