EAST PALESTINE, OH — In a powerful display of solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community, Norfolk Southern dumped thousands of gallons of toxic chemicals into the Ohio River to create beautiful rainbow-colored water.

"Wow! So pretty! Look at all those colors!" said CEO Alan H. Shaw. "We hope our valued members of the LGBTQQIP2SAA+++ community feel seen and valued by our loving gesture of support."

"Don't drink it though," he warned.

Activists and allies around the country celebrated the beautiful shimmering display at a time when many believe corporations are just going through the motions with their LGBTQ+ support. "While other multi-billion-dollar companies simply change their logos for a month, Norfolk Southern went the extra mile," said local queer activist and preschool teacher Xen Minxie. "So inspiring. Now can someone please look at this strange growth on my neck?"

Norfolk Southern confirmed there are more pride-themed surprises on the way, starting with rainbow-colored acid rain next week.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.