NEW YORK, NY — A corporate recruiter from Corptech Solutions Inc. arrived at Columbia University this morning to look for promising Ivy League graduates who are also entitled, antisemitic communists with at least $200k in student debt.
"This prestigious institution of higher learning is a goldmine for us," said Marv Borkton, Assistant Regional Recruiter for Corptech. "There's nothing we love more than hiring angry, brainless antisemites with severe financial problems who learned nothing during their 4 years in school except how to attend violent protests funded by George Soros in support of communist interests."
"That kind of employee is exactly what we're looking for."
Sources say Borkton then went from tent to tent in the college green, asking students if they would like to apply for a soul-crushing internship in the city for his large corporation.
"These Ivy League schools really churn out top-quality candidates," said Borkton. "We are so lucky to have schools like this that form well-adjusted, hard-working employees. Really makes my job easy!"
Borkton was then pelted by rotten eggs after someone in the crowd outed him as a Jew.
At publishing time, Corporate recruiters had decided to abandon scouting at universities in favor of finding cheaper, more qualified candidates at the local bus stop.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
