DENVER, CO — Local man Walter Bishop is reportedly excited to find out whether he will soon be raided by the FBI or gunned down by the IRS. The longtime conservative is reportedly ecstatic to show people how right he was about the slippery slope he's been warning everyone about.
"This is terrific!" he told next-door neighbor Phil Astrototop. "I wonder which it will be — a raid or an epic showdown with IRS agents."
Phil, a moderate Democrat disapproved of Bishop's oddly gleeful attitude. "Nothing's going to happen, man. It's not like you're breaking the law. Don't do anything wrong and the government won't bother you."
Bishop laughed. "That's what you think! I voted for Trump. I guarantee they're coming for me. You'll see, I'm right!"
Friends and family members of Walter Bishop are concerned that his optimistic anticipation of a pessimistic event may be a mental disorder.
"We're really worried about him," said Bishop's wife. "Also he's kind of scaring me. I don't want to be raided by the FBI! They'll see my unmentionables!"
At publishing time, the home of Phil Astrototop was raided by a team of federal agents working in conjunction with the IRS but, because Astrototop is a known Democrat, Walter Bishop was unable to gloat that he had been "right all along."
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