RADFORD, VA — Local man Bryan Smith confirmed to reporters from his local news station that he had not yet figured out what he was doing. He told them that despite having "faked it" for 15 years, he was no closer to "having a real plan" than when he graduated high school.
"By this time, I thought that either someone would have called me out as a faker, or I would have figured out what's going on – but neither has really happened, so that's nice." Smith spoke to reporters at a local gas station as part of FOX 44's series on Millennials In Adult Life, called Adulting: Where Are They Now?
Footage from the local news show included showing Smith playing with his two small children in his suburban 750 sq. ft. lawn, with a voiceover from Mitch Jebferson, assigned to the "local stories" beat since 2012. "As you can see, Smith seems to be an average guy – but he says he's no better at asking how everyone seems to have it together than he is at asking for directions!" The segment continued with a montage of Smith doing everyday activities like helping his kids with homework and working his desk job as a salesman for a rebar conglomerate, with the voiceover reiterating how Smith was at an utter loss for what he's doing overall, despite seeming competent amid his everyday activities.
The segment cut to a dinner-table interview with Smith as his family cleaned up in the background. "Of course, I tell my wife that I'm all clear on a long-term plan for the family – what do you want me to do, freak her out??" Evidence of cuts from the interview indicates that Smith and Jebferson shared a hearty laugh about how relatable it is that neither of them knows what he's doing.
Footage showed Smith sharing with friends at their weekly poker night. In the video, Smith tells his friends about his feeling of being unmoored and feeling like he's still fumbling through life, but they all feigned confusion, saying "No way, we've got it together!" Independent research indicates that they too feel like impostors, but that society would collapse if too many people acknowledged this feeling, and their quizzical expressions and eye-widening and looking away uncomfortably were helping preserve civilization.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
