WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats quickly issued a redefinition of the word "loss" after getting stomped in the congressional baseball game by the Republicans, who shut out the Democrats 10-0.
Nancy Pelosi held a press conference announcing that a "loss" is now defined as losing a baseball game by at least 20 runs, saying that sports experts have long disagreed on the exact definition of a loss.
"Yes, some sports commentators have defined 'loss' as any game in which you have fewer runs than the opposing team," acknowledged Pelosi. "But there has never been an officially accepted definition. And many experts are saying this was not actually a loss."
Pelosi went on to say that some experts say a loss is actually three or more consecutive losses, while other say a loss is defined only by what's in your heart, and that everyone is truly a winner.
"Good morning," she added suddenly. "Sunday... m-m-morn... morning?"
At publishing time, Democrats had called for abolishing the congressional baseball game altogether after their tough non-loss loss.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!