Impeachment Ratings Skyrocket After Introducing Agitated Horde Of Honey Badgers
Politics · Jan 28, 2020 ·

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress has been having problems getting anyone to watch the impeachment trial, since everyone wants to do more productive things like argue on the internet or play video games.

But the trial's ratings quickly rebounded after producers released an angry horde of honey badgers into the Senate chambers.

"Now this I'll watch," said one man in Texas, sitting up and watching with rapt attention as a frantic Adam Schiff attempted to fight a honey badger off with his shoe. "That's what I'm talking about -- quality entertainment."

"Watch your back, Mitch!" he screamed as two honey badgers leaped onto Mitch McConnell's head.

Producers had reportedly met to come up with ways to get viewers. They discussed everything from holding the proceedings in the middle of a monster truck rally to having Adam Schiff strap himself into some water skis and jump over a shark. But finally, they settled on the honey badgers.

"Americans aren't interested in the ins and outs of a technical trial like this, but they'll tune in to watch politicians fight for their lives against honey badgers," one executive producer of the program said. "Vicious little guys. If Firefly had only introduced a horde of honey badgers, it would probably be on its 18th season by now."

The honey badgers left no survivors, causing Congress's approval ratings to increase sharply.

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