HEAVEN—A statement from on high confirmed Wednesday that Facebook “likes” garnered on one’s posts during time spent on earth are fully redeemable for treasures in heaven.
“Every like and share you get on your posts are just more treasures stored up for you here in your eternal home, where moths can’t destroy and thieves can’t steal,” a heavenly messenger said. “So we would advise Christians to really try to get as many people as possible to like all of their posts.”
“Try throwing some memes up there. Those are popular,” the representative added. “Also, it always helps to add ‘feel free to like, comment, and share!’ when you update your status.”
The move confirms what many followers of Christ had already suspected, that getting as many people as possible to voice their approval of pictures, videos, and clever Facebook posts would be eternally valuable.
At publishing time, the rep had also confirmed the Kingdom of Heaven would be publishing the going exchange rates for retweets, Instagram likes, and Snapchat followers. Bitcoin and Google +1s are reportedly being turned down at the gates.
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Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.