TULSA, OK — According to sources, local colorblind man Jim Cone has no idea who is winning the presidential race from looking at the electoral map.
"Woah, honey, it looks like Michigan is going from dark grey to light grey," said Cone to his wife. "What does that mean? Is that good?"
Sources close to Cone confirmed he was diagnosed with a case of Achromatopsia at birth, and can only see in black and white like some kind of forest animal. He has long considered himself a "red" voter, although he has no clue what that means.
"I'm looking at all the states shift back and forth between different shades of grey and I have no clue what's going on," lamented Cone. "How on earth is this a rational system of keeping score? It's ridiculous!"
At publishing time, he was forced to humiliate himself by asking his wife to explain what was going on.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
