WASHINGTON D.C. — Business owners around Washington D.C. have begun preparing for an overwhelming outpouring from the ‘Party Of Joy' by decorating their storefronts with highly durable yet cost-efficient plywood.
Just one day before the presidential election, a palpable sense of joy spread throughout the 90% Democrat city, with some business owners going all-out in their Election Day decorations and ornamenting their brick-and-mortar locations with extra-joyful plywood, armed security, and "closed" signs.
"Yeah, you know, this time of year we local business owners just really like to show our support for the Party of Joy," said Abhijit Narayanasami, manager of a D.C. Walgreens. "If Donald Trump wins, we're fully prepared for the joyful hooded Antifa members, the joyful fires, and the joyful broken glass that will surely follow."
"So much joy."
Many local families got into the joyful spirit too, with many taking time out of their busy schedules to cruise around the city to point out their favorite Election Day displays and debate which might be most vulnerable to a brick or Molotov cocktail.
At publishing time, Kamala Harris had promised to donate to the bail funds of any joyful people arrested for expressing joy.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
