PORTLAND, OR — After losing his coding job to artificial intelligence, local man Roger Garrison was told by political pundits that he should instead learn to mine coal.
With coal back in heavy demand to power the data centers that house artificial intelligence, Garrison was told to face the reality of the changing economy and grab a pickaxe.
"Get with the times, bud," said career counselor Mackenzie Pelham. "Coding is a stone-age relic from a bygone era. Coal mining is the future now. It may be hard to start over with a new skill set, but you can't cling to the past. Put on your hard hat and get to work."
To help people like Garrison, government officials rolled out a new initiative to assist displaced coders as they transition into the modern age of manual labor in the mines. The program, called Code2Coal, reportedly includes a two-hour online seminar titled "So You've Been Replaced By A Machine: Now What?"
"It's going to be a big change, but I really do consider myself lucky," said Garrison. "Fortunately for me, I used to be a coal miner before Biden shut down the mines. He told me to 'learn to code', so I spent the past three years mastering Python and Java. It seems like a bit of a waste now, but at least I already know my way around the mines."
At publishing time, Democrats had vowed to pass legislation to shut down coal-powered data centers.
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