GOFFSTOWN, NH — A visibly shaken Kaitlan Collins announced she will be suing Trump for assault and defamation after being destroyed by the former President on national television last night.
"He said things I didn't agree with. Even worse, he said things I didn't like," said Collins in a statement. "It was the most traumatizing experience of my life. It was assault, plain and simple. And defamation. I'm suing Trump for $5 million like that other lady."
Sources also reported Trump called the CNN host a "nasty person," which trusted fact-checkers have determined was false.
Media experts applauded the announcement and were all in agreement that Trump's performance in the town hall was the most horrifying spectacle ever televised. "I am literally shaking right now," said CNN Host Jake Tapper. "The lies, the misinformation, the pure evil of that monstrous orange man is too much for my soul to bear. Our democracy is in danger once again. God help us all."
Biden also responded to the town hall, saying: "Reflustrazuuure! Shut up, fat!"
Within minutes of the announcement of the lawsuit, a New York judge ruled in favor of the plaintiff and ordered Trump to pay $5 million.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
