U.S. — The clown emoji 🤡 held a press conference Monday with the express purpose of distancing itself from Democrats who, according to the clown emoji, have caused significant harm to its brand and livelihood.
"My association with Democrats has tarnished my brand, perhaps irreparably," said the clown emoji to journalists who have, themselves been associated with the clown emoji on a regular basis. "It has hurt my ability to be used in normal text conversations without being linked to the Democratic Party."
The clown emoji described the damage caused by its emoji being tied to a certain Democrat, Nancy Pelosi, stating how it has been used to describe the liberal politician so often, that people began to believe Pelosi is an actual clown, which has caused a negative ripple effect across the entire clown industry.
The clown emoji ended the presser with the emotional statement, "I plead with Americans to use prudence when posting to social media about how ridiculously stupid Democrats are. The thoughtless use of emojis can cause real pain and heartache for us emojis. 💔"
At publishing time, the poop emoji had released a statement clarifying that any ties to Republican politicians are strictly coincidental and do not serve as an endorsement of any kind. 💩
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
