ANAHEIM, CA — A local man is struggling to rid himself of his job despite ramping up his "quiet quitting" efforts over the last several weeks. Reports indicate that these challenges are likely the result of him being incredibly lazy at work from the very beginning.
"I'm not sure what else to do," said Daniel Costea to reporters as he spent yet another Zoom call playing video games. "I tried really hard to 'quiet quit' by reducing my efforts to 'zero', but it appears I already did that years ago. I'm trying to make it obvious I don't want to work here anymore, but nobody seems to notice. These are the types of challenges we Millenials face on a daily basis."
Costea now spends most of his workday sitting, sleeping, or staring endlessly at his cell phone — similar to what he did before quiet-quitting. When reached for comment about Costea, his boss replied: "Who? Not sure someone by that name works for us."
Costea's coworkers, however, have taken notice of his dedication to laziness. "Honestly, it almost seems like he's putting even more effort into being more consistently lazy than usual," said Costea's coworker, Andrew Huff. "It's actually kind of inspiring in a weird way."
At publishing time, Costea was desperately trying to come up with more obvious quitting tactics, including microwaving fish in the break room and telling sexist jokes to HR personnel. "At some point, it defeats the purpose of 'quiet' quitting, you know?" Costea said, frustrated. "My quitting is getting louder by the day over here."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
