U.S. — Conservatives across the country cheered the death of wokeness as America finally returned to its Christian roots of objectifying women's bodies to sell stuff.
The internet rang out with victorious proclamations that the evil forces of wokeness had been defeated, seeing as how corporations had gone back to using heterosexual lust to make money.
"Woo! We're back to selling women's bodies!" said local conservative Dan Millen, celebrating. "All the bad wokeness is gone, and corporations are back to using cleavage to sell things. American family values have carried the day."
After years of wokeness tearing at the Christian foundations of the United States, conservatives took time to soak in the victory. "Corporations exploiting young women is what made this country great," said conservative podcaster Ryan McMaster. "This is what the fight is all about, conserving this nation for our kids. When I turn on the television and see women's bodies objectified for material gain, I know the fight was worth it."
At publishing time, conservatives had cheered to learn that beauty pageants were back to not allowing ugly people.
Starbucks employees are fed up and taking matters into their own hands.
