U.S. Worldviews
Citing Freezing Weather Conditions, Al Gore Cancels Global Warming Speech

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—A scheduled speech on global warming and climate change was cancelled by Al Gore after a severe deep freeze resulting in record cold temperature conditions swept across the country.

The man who suggested the northern polar ice cap could be completely gone by 2013 stated he regretfully had to cancel as many people were snowed in or unable to make the speech thanks to freezing, unsafe road conditions.

“We will reschedule our talk on the imminent melting of the polar ice caps when the weather warms up and more people can make it out to hear my dire warnings,” Gore said in a statement. “If a few more of you would just drive your Hummers around in circles for a while, maybe it will warm things up enough for me to give another talk in the spring.”

At publishing time, Gore had settled in to one of his luxury homes and turned on the CO2-emitting heater full-blast to stay warm.

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