Right On: This Church Allows Atheists To Join As Long As They Are Republicans
Church · Sep 11, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

HOUSTON, TX - A local church has announced it will begin allowing atheists to join the church as members, as long as they identify as Republican. 

"I know we disagree with atheists on some issues, but when it comes to republican or even classical liberal atheists, we basically agree on the essentials," said Robert Bardpail, head pastor of 8th Baptist Church in Houston. "Things like limited government, low taxes, free speech, equal protection under the constitution, those are the core tenets that bind us together."

Under the new church constitution released by the deacon board last week, atheists will now be allowed to serve as elders and deacons, teach small groups, and run VBS. All new members will be onboarded with a study of Milton Friedman or Thomas Sowell before being allowed to serve in ministry. 

8th Baptist Church is reportedly looking for new atheist members by hanging up flyers around all the cool atheist hangouts."So far, no atheists have really taken us up on our offer," said Bardpail. "That stinks. I wonder why they don't want to hang out with us!" 

According to sources, 8th Baptist Church will be ramping up efforts over the next several weeks. They hope to replace all the members they kicked out last month over disagreements on young-earth creationism and end times prophecy. 

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