SUMMERSVILLE, MO - Medical experts in Brown County were investigating local churches to find out which one was responsible for a recent COVID-19 outbreak. The investigators bypassed a freeway protest, had their car stopped and almost burned out by rioters, and circumvented a BLM march to get to Brown County Baptist Church on the outskirts of town.

But medical experts quickly realized the church could not have been their culprit, since the pastor had hung a "Black Lives Matter" banner on the front of the building in order to protect the congregation from the potentially deadly virus.

In a stunning miracle, the coronavirus refused to spread at the church, moving on to easier prey as soon as it saw the banner.

"As soon as the coronavirus sees a Black Lives Matter banner, shirt, or protest sign, it immediately departs and looks for a nearby church to infect," said Dr. Pander Chokrabong, an infectious disease expert. "So this was a really smart move on the pastor's part."

The experts then assigned blame for all the county's cases on a church with a MAGA yard sign down the road.