RENTON, WA - According to multiple people attending LifeVictory Community Church this past Sunday, a boring, mellow, repetitive worship song was immediately improved by bassist Kyle "Soul Train" Mulholland's funky slap bass line.
The song, "This Is Amazing Grace," was starting to drone on and on until Mulholland rescued the arrangement by breaking into one of his patented, fiery bass riffs he keeps in his back pocket for just such an occasion. As the bassist realized the song was turning into a boring, stale trainwreck, he stepped up to save the day. Mulholland turned his bass up an extra 30% (he had lied to the sound guy, claiming his bass was all the way up, as he always saves himself a little bit of volume to spring on the tech team right in the middle of the service). Then, he broke into every funky riff he knew, as though he were playing for Graham Central Station in the "glory days."
"Good ol' Soul Train really saved our bacon out there," worship leader Nate "Take It to the Bridge" Johnson said. "The song was just dying on the vine out there. There weren't many hands raised, no one's eyes were closed. People were singing about the cross and stuff, but they weren't really into it. I'm only satisfied with our set when we get a visual, emotional response to each and every song."
"Praise the Lord that Kyle was here to save our song with his '70s funk sensibilities," he added.
As the skilled bassist cranked out every funk riff he knew, slapping and hammering and pulling and popping like a movement of the Spirit depended on it, something miraculous happened: people began to raise their arms, close their eyes, and really worship the Lord. The church even began to clap, though they weren't even close to being on beat.
At publishing time, Mulholland was disappointed to discover he wasn't on in the house speakers anyway.