Church Bassist Asked To Play In Darkened Storage Closet

ALBANY, OR—In order to make room for several new background singers who recently had successful auditions with the Fire Church worship team, church bassist Lyle Edelman was asked to play his bass guitar lines from a darkened storage closet Sunday morning, sources confirmed.

Edelman set up his Crate amp in the usual spot and began fiddling with the knobs and tuning his bass guitar, only to have worship leader Tim “Tebow” Mollison gently tap him on the shoulder.

“Hey bud, um, this is a little awkward, but do you think you can set up over in the custodial closet?” Mollison reportedly asked. “It’s just that we’re gonna spread Jen, Mindy, and Sarah out over here. It’s gonna look so sick with all of us spaced out on the stage perfectly like a concert.”

Edelman then reluctantly packed up his equipment and set it up in dark and dank janitorial closet, utilizing a long XLR cable to hook himself into the church’s state-of-the-art sound system.

“I’m just happy my bass was actually turned on in the house mix this week,” Edelman said later, as no one had the heart to break it to him that the sound guy had turned him completely off, sources confirmed.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.