BIDDLEFORD, ME — The foundations of Christendom were rocked to their very core this week after local atheist Chaz Piddington noted that Christians eat shellfish and wear mixed fabrics.
"You claim to be a Christian, and yet I noticed you're wearing a satin-polyester blend shirt and eating shrimp cocktail," said Piddington to a nearby Christian who was wearing a satin-polyester blend shirt and eating shrimp cocktail. "Apparently you haven't read the Old Testament law. Why don't you go stone someone while you're at it? HA!"
"We've never heard this line of argumentation in the entire 2000-year history of our faith," said noted Christian apologist Frank Turek. "Mr. Piddington, with this simple question no one has thought of before, has completely dismantled my faith forever. I'm not sure what to do with my life now."
Turek then got in his car and drove off to the fedora store to purchase his first fedora.
Theologians at the Vatican, Oxford, and Rick Warren's 2-week pastor's college are reportedly scrambling to find an answer to the shellfish/fabrics dilemma, but so far have produced no results. "We're pretty sure it's over for us," said one theologian anonymously. "It's been a good run, but it's time to pack it up and go home."
At publishing time, Christians had fired a devastating volley back at the atheists by challenging them to explain the existence of triple bacon cheeseburgers as well as everything else.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.