Christian Missionary Wears Mask To Reach Out To Unsaved Democrats
Christian Living ยท Apr 28, 2022

NEW HAVEN, CT - A Christian missionary was spotted wearing a surgical mask while bringing the gospel to unsaved Democrats in the New England area. The missionary, identified by authorities as Jonah Phillips, is a staunch anti-masker who sources say began wearing the mask so that Democrats would talk to him.

"When you wear the mask they see you as on their level. It's a very quick way to earn their trust," said Phillips. "Then you just let the Holy Spirit drop truth bombs on them and stand back."

Jonah Phillips reportedly takes inspiration from 1 Corinthians 9:22, which theologians speculate caused Paul to pick up Magic The Gathering in an attempt to win over ancient nerds.

"Maybe I can't be all things to all people - I'm not on the same level as Paul - but I can at least be a grown man wearing a security blanket on his face so I can talk to these crazy mask people," he said.

Though the methods may seem strange, it's impossible to argue with the results. Phillips has reportedly converted everyone he's talked to.

"I can't take all the credit," he said. "If they're still wearing a mask at this point they're super afraid of death and way more open to the gospel. You just have to learn how to speak their language."

This isn't his first missionary success. Phillips previously saved an entire room of Shriners wearing a red fez hat with a tassel on top.

Babylon Bee subscriber KEITH SOURS contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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