Report: Perfect Parking Spot Right Up Front! UPDATE: Gah Friggin Motorcycle
Life · Apr 28, 2022 ·

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A new report filed by the U.S. Department of Transportation finds that each and every time a motorist gets excited about a perfect parking spot at the front of a parking lot it turns out to be a "friggin' motorcycle."

"Hey, here's one - GAH! A FRIGGIN' MOTORCYCLE!" shouted Norman Dodgson, a volunteer who agreed to drive with researchers for six months. "I hate this! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!"

The phenomenon - dubbed "Interstitial Motor Mirage" by researchers - occurs in crowded parking lots when drivers are most desperate for a space. Because motorcycles don't sit back in a space as far as full-sized vehicles the spot can appear empty and ripe for the taking.

In a majority of cases, the driver will not notice the space is occupied until after they've bragged to other vehicle occupants about how they just found a perfect spot before realizing their mistake and exclaiming: "GAH! A FRIGGIN' MOTORCYCLE!"

According to researchers, Interstitial Motor Mirage affects all drivers, even other motorcycle owners.

"UGGGGGGH!" wailed Charlie "Dasher" Bowman, a tough guy on a Harley Davidson who often shopped at Bed Bath & Beyond. "Another friggin' motorcycle! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

Drivers who think they see a great parking spot and have their hopes immediately crushed are susceptible to fits of road rage, heart arrhythmia, and even death, say experts. In fact, DoT has filed a supplemental report on the researchers who died during the study.

In some rare cases, smaller vehicles can also cause Interstitial Motor Mirage - particularly the 1997 Geo Metro.

It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.