CENTERVILLE, FL - Local Christian man Larry Michaels admitted Wednesday that he just votes for whichever political party is less likely to make his faith illegal one day.
Michaels often votes for one party over the other but confessed he only does so because they're not outright antagonistic toward the core tenets of Christianity.
"I don't particularly love the party I usually vote for, but hey! They're a little less likely to one day outlaw my faith," he told a friend, also stating that while he doesn't really love politics, it's probably better to hold your nose and prevent an openly anti-Christian candidate from taking office.
The man is often accused of selling out his faith for the purpose of political power, but he just shrugged. "I mean, I don't really care to win the culture wars or anything. But the candidates I support tend to be slightly more prone to just leave me alone."
At publishing time, Christians who abstained from voting were silently thankful that people like Michaels are willing to do the dirty work of voting in self-defense.