WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Donald Trump’s campaign to put a wall on the southern border of the U.S. has long been opposed by a number of different groups, but it’s now gained an extremely vocal new opponent: noted anti-wall extremist the Kool-Aid Man.
The large red entity known as the Kool-Aid Man is long known for his hostility to walls, smashing through even brick walls to deliver his concoctions of water, food coloring, and sugar. Estimates put the property damage he’s caused in the tens of millions, and he shows no signs of slowing down.
“Walls are nothing but obstacles between me and kids in need of refreshment,” the Kool-Aid Man told a cheering crowd. “I pretend like they’re not even there.” The Kool-Aid Man then vowed to smash through any wall that would be placed between the U.S. and Mexico, his devotion to rescuing thirsty kids recognizing no borders.
Trump dismissed the Kool-Aid Man’s words, though he was clearly flustered by this new opposition. “He can’t smash through our wall, because it will be made of steel slats,” Trump told the press. “If he tries, he will shatter and die. SHATTER AND DIE!” Standing behind Trump on the building of the wall and against the Kool-Aid Man are now a mixture of security hawks, xenophobes, and moms who don’t want their kids to have a lot of sugar.
The Kool-Aid Man did not mince words in his new campaign against Trump, though. When asked if the president should be impeached, he had a simple response.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.