Politics
China Allows Uighurs To Display Select Political Messages On Prison Camp Uniforms

BEIJING—China announced today that Uighurs being held at their labor camps will be allowed to display one of several select political messages on their prison camp uniforms.

"We got the idea from our buddies over at the NBA," said President Xi. "This way, we can virtue-signal to Americans about how virtuous we are, while we continue oppressing people in a much worse way than any government or police force in America is currently doing. It's pretty great, actually."

Messages that call out Chinese human rights abuses will, of course, not be tolerated. Only "woke" messages that call out Americans for their problems and injustices will be allowed. Messages like "Black Lives Matter," "I Can't Breathe," and "Death to America" are on the list, while messages like "Free Hong Kong," "Stop Chinese Genocide," and "Uighur Lives Matter" are not.

The popularly requested message "President Xi Looks Like Winnie The Pooh" is right out.

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