DALLAS, TX — Introverts nationwide can rejoice (quietly, in a room by themselves), as the restaurant chain Chili's has announced plans to add new silent fajitas to menus across the country. This news will provide welcome relief to millions of people who have long wanted to enjoy fajitas without the loud, sizzling presentation.
"I can finally enjoy some fajitas without everyone paying attention to me!" said George Corey. "I tried ordering them once before, but when they brought out that sizzling platter, the entire restaurant stopped what they were doing and just stared at me while the server presented me with my meal and said things like "OOOOOoooohhh!" I was horrified. I lost my appetite for weeks!"
The restaurant's new silent fajitas will be prepared as usual in the kitchen, then allowed to cool to room temperature before bringing them out to the customer. "It may sound underwhelming," said Chili's Marketing Strategist Jairaka Powell, "but our surveys indicate there are millions of our customers who would rather eat lukewarm food than loudly notify the entire restaurant that they ordered the fajitas. It's really weird, but we'll do whatever we can to please our customers."
If the new silent fajitas are a success, the restaurant chain has lined up other potential introvert-focused menu additions, including the server quietly whispering "Happy Birthday" to a customer rather than singing, as well as an option to have tortilla chips soaked in water beforehand to prevent them from making noise when chewed.
At publishing time, Chili's locations across the United States were already preparing fajitas ahead of time to set them aside to cool for the influx of introverted customers.
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