CARLSON, TX - The horrified children of Lacy Zwygart, 35-year-old mother of three, reported their mild-mannered mom immediately transformed into a gangsta rap queen during Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show.
As soon as Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, 50 Cent, Mary J. Blige, and Eminem showed up to perform, the mom lost all her inhibition and morphed into a late-90s teen rapping along with the black performers' lyrics about drugs, sex, alcohol, and "straight-up cappin' foos."
"Awww yeah, here we go!" Zwygart said as Snoop came on stage and started rapping. "Everybody get down, suckas!" She then started bobbing her head off-beat and moving her arm up and down in an attempt to emulate her favorite musicians from her youth. "This is totally dope, yo! Yeah, Snoopy, bust dem phat beats!"
"F#$% the police!" she added for no discernible reason.
Her kids cringed and watched helplessly through their facepalms as she rapped along with Kendrick Lamar and screamed with excitement when Eminem came on stage, rapping along with every word of "Lose Yourself" as though she were an up-and-coming rap battle star in the 313.
At publishing time, her terrified children had reported she had even rapped the uncensored versions, though the actual talent was singing TV-friendly versions of the songs.
Sick of the woke Oscars? Why not watch the first annual Babylon Bee Awards Show: